Daily Horoscopes of the Gods Deciphered: 12 Cautionary Haiku

Hera (Aquarius): “You may feel somewhat neglected and unappreciated.”  
Beware the affair
with a husband not your own.
Mrs. Zeus hates that.  

Ares (Scorpio): “You could start to feel a bit unsatisfied with the status quo.”   Boredom often leads
to small wars between nations
with oddly spelled names.

 Aphrodite (Taurus): “A new love interest appears.”  
The heart may always
have its reasons. But, really,
you should know better.  

Hermes (Cancer): “Lines of communications might get crossed.”  
Nothing to do when
Mercury dances retro.
Blame the stars and wait.  

Athena (Aries): “You have a tendency to overthink things.”  
Zeus had a headache
from his daughter’s OCD.
There was no aspirin.  

Poseidon (Pisces): “Be aware of possible boundary issues.”  
Pre the tsunami
a trip to the beach seemed like
such a good idea.  

Demeter (Virgo): “You would benefit by spending more time with family.”   Unanswered phone calls
to Persephone result
in global warming.

Hephaistos (Libra): “You may be using work as a means of escape.”  
His workshop is a
Volcano with a smoking 
Do Not Disturb sign.

Hestia (Capricorn): “You need to get out of the house more.”  
Face it. Something’s wrong
when every Christmas you get
a vacuum cleaner.  

Apollo (Gemini): “A new relationship requires subtle charm.”  
Daphne snarled, “Get lost,
you old lech! I’ll scream!” And then
she became a tree.  

Artemis (Sagittarius): “An unintended encounter could have unexpected results.”   Acteon should know.
Chance meetings with Artemis --
not a good idea.  

Zeus (Leo): “Too much focus on your career could cause unhappiness at home.”   The unpleasantness
at Troy directly followed
thunder on the Mount.

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